


Gift of the Truth, The

by thebasement_archivist



Category: The X-Files
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1998-07-31
Updated: 1998-07-31
Packaged: 2018-11-21 01:26:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11347080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebasement_archivist/pseuds/thebasement_archivist
Summary: Note from alice ttlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived atThe Basement, which moved to the AO3 to ensure the stories are always available and so that authors may have complete control of their own works. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address onThe Basement's collection profile.





	Gift of the Truth, The

**Author's Note:**

> Note from alice ttlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Basement](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Basement), which moved to the AO3 to ensure the stories are always available and so that authors may have complete control of their own works. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Basement's collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/thebasement/profile).

 

A Gift of the Truth by Donna Milan

16 Mar 1998

This is my first fan-fic ever, so please forgive me if I make mistakes in posting protocol. You may post this story anywhere you have the notion.  
WARNING!!!!! This story involves a romantic relationship between two gorgeous men (Mulder & Krycek). If man-to-man love offends you, DON'T READ THIS!!!! I would rate this story as "R" as there is major UST, but no actual sex. (I'm saving that for the sequel, should feedback indicate that one is wanted!! <GRIN>) How's that for shameless begging?  
Please send any comments to:   
SPOILERS: RED AND BLACK BIG TIME!!!!!!  
I'd like to dedicate this story to all the slash writers out there who generously share their stories and encouragement with us newbies. I am proud to count myself among you.  
OBLIGATORY DISCLAIMER: Chris Carter, in his infinite wisdom, has created the characters in this story. They belong solely to him and 10-13 Productions, and I am just paying homage to his genius. I am not being compensated for this story in any way, and am posting it only out of love for the X-Files, the GREATEST SHOW ON THE PLANET!

* * *

A Gift of the Truth -- by Donna Milan

He was a desperate man with nothing more to lose. Crouching in the dark, he waited for his final opportunity to make things right. Alex was many things, but stupid wasn't one of them. He knew his time was short, coolly accepted that he was destined to be a casualty of a coming war that would either preserve or destroy the world he had always known. He had made so many mistakes, trusted the wrong people, and they had used him to try and destroy the only person worthy of his trust. . .the only person he had ever loved. In the annals of history, no one would ever know his name, ever know what he had sacrificed to do what had to be done. That was fine with him. He had stopped caring long ago about what anyone else thought of him.

 It had never been crucial to his survival. But with each soul-rending deed he had committed, his own survival became less important.

Coming here tonight was such a foolish risk, but it was his last chance to give Mulder what he sought for most -- a gift of the truth. He bitterly laughed at himself for a moment, reflecting on the irony of this situation.

 Alex Krycek, government whore, cold, turncoat rat-bastard, loved the one man he had betrayed beyond the point of forgiveness. Mulder would never gaze upon him with anything but hatred in his eyes. He sighed, allowing his culpability for it all to settle down on him, almost feeling gravity push him harder to the floor from the weight of it. He wondered if Mulder would see the bitter humor in the note he had left on the floor. 'Things are looking up,' he had written. Krycek's coming death would undoubtedly mean that to Mulder. He was ready to die, almost. But first, there was one final thing he had to do.

What was love, anyway? The thought popped up unbidden in his head. For most people, love was a slowly developed relationship, based on years of daily contact, shared experiences, and mutual trust. For Alex, it was a cataclysmic bond, forged by the flashfire of hate, burning into him a taunting shadow of a love that might have been. Fate had brought him to Mulder, painfully drawing his need for love to erupt on the surface of his soul, forcing him to acknowledge it. He could see how Mulder also fought his own need for love, how he had stuffed it down deep inside and denied it by crusading instead for the truth. Truth had come to mean love to Mulder.

 And so, Alex would tell Mulder he loved him in the only way Mulder could accept -- by giving him the truth.

Love intermingled with hate had simultaneously drawn these two men together and ripped them apart time and time again. The pain and passion between them was so raw, so explosive, so blindingly bright that they each turned away from it in the other's presence. It was too much like looking into a mirror. Neither man wanted to admit how alike they were, and from that stemmed the violence that dominated each encounter between them. Alex was grateful for the pain, for the awareness that at least Mulder felt some emotion for him. He would take any kind of touch Mulder saw fit to give him.

The sound of a key in the lock and a sudden shadow under the door snapped him back from his musings. The time for regrets and wistful reflection was over. There was the future of mankind to save. Just for once, in his miserable life, he had to do something good, had to make Mulder understand that he never wanted to....

The door swung open, letting light from the hallway shine on the floor, illuminating the note. Mulder entered, saw the slip of paper on the floor and bent to pick it up. Alex then made his move, ramming him from behind like a freight train and propelling him forward into the computer desk. He quickly divested Mulder of his gun, holding him down with his knees, and pointed the weapon at him, silently noting the desired effect of his actions on Mulder's bewildered face. Good. Maybe he would listen. To cover his own emotional upheaval at such close contact, Alex instinctively resorted to a childish insult. "You must be losing it, Mulder. I can beat you with one hand."

The well placed barb hit its mark, and Mulder, fury in his eyes, retorted, "Isn't that how you like to beat yourself?"

'Shit,' Alex thought. 'He's not taking me seriously.' Affecting a fierce expression, Alex cocked the gun and hoped he wouldn't have to hurt Mulder to get him to listen. He was so tired of the violence. Just once, he wanted them to communicate with words instead of blows.

To Alex's relief, Mulder immediately backpedaled. "If those are my last words, I can do better."

Taking a deep breath to steady himself, Alex began. "I'm not here to kill you, Mulder. I'm here to help you." 'Fuck, my voice is shaking. God, don't let him see what he's doing to me.' 

True to form, Mulder had a sarcastic comeback. "Hey, thanks," he cracked, refusing to meet Krycek's eyes.

'I can't get through to you unless you look at me, dammit,' Alex thought. Back to scare tactics. "You know, if it was in my best interest, I would just as soon squeeze this trigger". He hoped he sounded menacing enough.

Mulder's eyes cut sharply to meet his. "Well, what's stopping you?" 'His face. God, don't let him see how he affects me.' 

Alex saw the crack in Mulder's armor, and felt his own begin to dissolve. He hoped Mulder didn't see how hard he was for him. The space between them seemed to suck them both forward into each other, and they both resisted the invisible force with all their might. 'Tell him now,' Alex's brain urged. His throat ached with emotion, and with tears stinging his eyes, he began in a painful whisper. "Hear this, Agent Mulder. Listen very carefully because what I'm telling you is deadly serious. There is a war raging, and unless you pull your head out of the sand, you and I and about five billion other people are gonna go the way of the dinosaur. I'm talking planned invasion. The colonization of this planet by an extraterrestrial race."

Shocked to hear Krycek, of all people, voice his own most paranoid rantings, Mulder involuntarily laughed. After all the government bullshit he had seen, all his wild theories disproven by Scully's unswervable scientific truth, he just couldn't believe anymore. He also couldn't believe Krycek was resorting to this tired, worn out method to manipulate him. Frankly, he felt offended to have been so underestimated, and it hurt more and more each time Krycek lied to him. He would give anything if Alex would be honest with him just once. The pain Mulder felt was reflected in his cynical tone. "I thought you were serious."

'I don't fucking believe this!' Krycek's mind yelled in frustration. 'This guy's been trying to uncover the truth his whole life, and now that it's finally within his grasp, he won't believe?'

'Only because it's coming from you,' he reminded himself, and that realization hurt. Desperate now, he shoved the gun into Mulder's chest. His eyes burned with an intense, hungry look that made Mulder forget to breathe, forget the gun. Alex's voice turned even more hoarse as he continued. "Kazakhstan, Skyland Mountain, the site in Pennsylvania --they're all alien lighthouses where the colonization will begin, but where now a battle's being waged, a struggle for heaven and earth. Where there's one law -- fight or die, and one rule -- resist or serve."

Alex's eyes remained locked with Mulder's, silently pleading with him to believe. He despaired inwardly when he saw he wasn't reaching Mulder. Mulder's mind was a swirl of confusion, and he was furious with himself for even listening to this treacherous bastard, even more furious at the visceral reaction his nearness had on him. 'I am hard enough to cut diamonds,' he realized, to his utter mortification. Ice water cold reality mixed with embarrassment sluiced through him as he remembered that Alex held his own gun on him. 'Oh, yeah, Alex, sure, I believe you, whatever.' Voice edged with sarcasm and a tinge of anger, Mulder skeptically asked, "Serve who?"

"Not who -- what," Alex answered.

Mulder's resolve felt so close to shattering, but oh, god, he needed more. He yearned to believe Krycek, and not out of a vain desire to have his alien theories validated at last. Mulder needed to reconcile his desire for this man -- no, love -- once and for all with the horrible things Alex had done. How could he love someone who betrayed him at every opportunity?

 He lashed out in a final effort to suppress his feelings, to stop the nearly uncontrollable urge to trust him. "Krycek, you're a murderer, a liar and a coward. Just because you stick a gun in my chest, I'm supposed to believe you're my friend?!"

Alex's heart broke yet again at Mulder's hate-filled words, and despite his attempt to remain stoic, tears brimmed on his eyelashes. He briefly concentrated all of his effort on keeping them from falling. 'Oh well, I tried,' he thought with a small, sad smile. The pain, the longing he felt was overwhelming, even more than what he felt for his missing arm. "Get up," he intoned huskily, attempting to compose himself. He caught himself mindlessly leaning in closer, toward Mulder's incredible scent, and stopped himself just before he would have broken down and held onto Mulder for dear life. Alex backed away and sat on his heels, staring openly at Mulder, pondering what he should do.

'What would it take to make him believe?' Slowly, the answer dawned on him. Mulder would not accept less than the whole truth. He wanted it all, no matter how ugly or incredible. Alex imperceptibly shivered as the implication of that sank in. God, he couldn't say the words. He just couldn't. Yet, his body burned with the need to express how he truly felt. His mind was swept up in a maelstrom of fragmented memories of this amazing man before him, and the love rose to the surface, breaking on Alex's face. He let it wash over him, feeling sure of the right thing to do for the first time he could remember. Openly allowing his love to show on his face, Alex drew nearer. He hesitated for a split second to drink in Mulder's wide-eyed, transfixed expression as he saw what Alex was trying to tell him. There was no hate in Mulder's eyes, and that knowledge acted as a salve on Alex's scarred soul. It was not exactly forgiveness, but it was more than Alex had ever dared hope for. It was enough. In abject gratitude, he impulsively reached for Mulder and with passionate reverence, pressed his lips to the curve of his right cheek, just barely brushing the corner of his mouth. To his surprise, Mulder did not flinch, but leaned into the kiss ever so slightly, as though trying to savor its warmth without being discovered. 'Thank you, God,' each man silently prayed, as peace suffused them both at last.

Alex broke the kiss loudly, the sound of his lips on Mulder's cheek punctuating the emotions which had enveloped them, while bringing them slowly back to themselves. Reluctantly, he pulled away, and in a reckless gesture of bravado mingled with supplication, uncocked the gun and twirled it around his finger before offering it to Mulder. His eyes never left Mulder's, and his face had a quirky, bittersweet smile that seemed to say 'I love you -- so shoot me.' Mulder thought he had never seen anything so breathtakingly erotic or brave. He stared up at Alex in awe mixed with adoration as he held the gun, his finger caressing the trigger where Alex's warm touch still lingered.

Alex sharply inhaled, seeing the love and forgiveness in Mulder's gaze, letting it soak into his very bones. He felt so unworthy of this man from whom he had taken so much. Yet, he longed to drown in the passion he felt for Mulder. Fox forgave him, maybe even loved him a little, and that was enough. As much as Alex wanted Fox, he would not take pleasure from him, knowing his own death was imminent. He had hurt him enough. Their hearts were full, and though the moment was fleeting, its sweetness and beauty transcended any physical surcease. So touched to the core of his heart was Alex, so relieved that Mulder believed him, that he lapsed into Russian without thinking. "Good luck to you, my friend."

And then he was gone. 


End file.
